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By dan

The Sydney Mining Herald: Fairfax’s Future

Thinking ahead 5-10 years to when Gina Rinehart finally sacks a few Fairfax executives, rips up the charter, and installs a sympathetic board, it’s not too hard to imagine the front page of the SMH for that day. I should point out here that I occasionally work worked for Gina Fairfax Media… 

Click Image for full picture.

(Additional jokes from Scott Mitchell)

By dan

BP: PHOTOSHOP IS FUN

NEW ORLEANS — BP acknowledges it posted an altered photo on its website exaggerating the amount of activity in its command centre. “It’s a shame we got caught out this time, those photos made us look cool, like NCIS” says Donna Lawrence, BP’s vice president of Photoshop. BP was caught out when a blogger noticed some inconsistencies in the photo published on the oil giant’s website “Well at first I was like, whoa, former president Ged Bartlett, Mr T, Captain Sullenberger, AND Chuck Norris.  They are really pulling out all the stops.” Says Darren Philips who runs OilFreedomWatch.com “But then I thought. Hang on, if Chuck Norris is there, who’s protecting Texas? and that’s when I noticed the second Mr. T…. Rookie mistake”

When asked if BP would discipline the photoshop artist in question Lawrence was more defensive “Ana is an incredibly talented graphic designer, she can put a picture of you in Times Square, or put your name in 3D letters, and besides when you come personally recommend from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad you’re entitled to a second chance”

The company refused to say just how many photographs posted on their website have been digitally altered.

By dan

Little Old Asian Ladies Slam Illegal Downloaders

NEW YORK-Illegal movie downloads are having a devastating effect on the nation’s elderly female Asian DVD pirates and they’ve had enough. “These people are parasites” Says Faye Chan, General Manager of Lucky Copy Movie Team, the largest nation wide network of little old asian ladies who manufacture and sell pirated DVDs.

“They take our hard work and give it away for next to nothing. It’s expensive to bootleg a movie, and if the movie is in 3D, we need  film it with two cameras and that means we have buy two tickets to the cinema” said Ms Chan whose family has been pirating movies since BetaMax. “My mother was a bootlegger, her mother before her was a bootlegger, my great grandmother started off with Tango and Cash”

As well as rise of digital downloading, the current economic climate has made it even tougher for people like Faye Chan “In 2008 rising costs saw us pack up our DVD plant in Chinatown, and outsource the entire operation to a town in China.”

The Sydney Mining Herald: Fairfax’s Future