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By dan

Annoyed at the Gillard Government’s ability to articulate how a carbon tax may work. Dan Ilic has taken the liberty of dumbing it down for us all.

It’s kind of like this, a friend comes over to your house and raids your pantry and then cooks up a feast, then eats it and then, takes a little shit in the corner of your living room. Not a big shit, a small shit, so no one really minds, but gradually the shit builds up to be a big pile of shit, and it gets larger and larger. Then the people from next door find out that your pantry is full of good shit. So now lots of people from neighbourhood are having cook ups in your kitchen and shitting in your living room, some people in your family are like “um… do you realise they’re shitting over here” and you say “oh yeah it’s been like that for a while don’t worry it’s what they do.” By now most of your family can’t remember a time when there wasn’t any shit in the living room, shitting everywhere is just a part of your family’s way of life.  Then your mum finally cracks the shits that there’s shit everywhere and decides to give everyone fines for being filthy fucks. The less they shit, the less they have to pay, hopefully they will learn eventually to walk up stairs and shit in the toilet, sure it’s more of an effort than shitting in the living room but in the long run it’s better for everyone.

 

 


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13 Comments

  • Ryan T
    Ryan T
    1:02 AM - 2 July, 2011

    At last someoen has actually narrowed it down, into a bite size piece! Amen for that.

  • John hooper
    John hooper
    5:16 PM - 7 February, 2012

    Except now you need to do a shit yourself and you can’ t afford it so you’re told just stop shitting. Even better, fuck off and die because people who need to shit are the problem. Go live in china if you love to shit so much. It’s free to shit there. Oh, and send us back some food. We’ve had to ban agriculture because it leads to food which leads to shit.

  • Gerald
    Gerald
    2:26 AM - 8 February, 2012

    So the Government’s solution is to get you to stick your own cock up your arse to stop you shitting.

  • Clara Bilg
    Clara Bilg
    7:47 PM - 12 February, 2012

    Sure, John hooper,
    I expect you don’t leave the house do you? Your logic is: If it costs you something you don’t do it? Do you drive a car, or ride the train, go to the cinemas at all? You will be able to afford it, but you won’t like to do it that often. That’s the point, stupid.

  • Chris Sideris
    Chris Sideris
    5:22 PM - 10 March, 2012

    Do not let your ego get too all-around your position, so that in case your position gets shot down, your ego doesn’t go along with it.
    People will buy something that is ‘one with a customer.’

  • dan
    dan
    8:23 PM - 18 June, 2012

    oh…okay in that case I’ll be 60 tones of CO2 please

  • dan
    dan
    8:23 PM - 18 June, 2012

    oh…okay in that case I’ll be happy to buy 60 tones of CO2 please

  • Wolf Cocklin (@wolfcat)
    Wolf Cocklin (@wolfcat)
    11:56 PM - 2 July, 2012

    The Abbott model is that Mr Creosote, Gina and Clive will be paid a billion dollars P/A to shit on your carpet.

  • Wolfie Rankin
    Wolfie Rankin
    2:58 AM - 3 July, 2012

    effing brilliant !!!

    #WIN

  • Sharon
    Sharon
    7:29 PM - 3 July, 2012

    ummm…no. I think actually, I was with you right up until the most crucial part…

    “Then your mum finally cracks the shits that there’s shit everywhere and decides to” call in a catholic priest to fix the situation. The priest follows normal procedure, giving all your neighbours the opportunity to put some money in the collection, say they’re sorry and go right on shitting in your living room.

  • Phil
    Phil
    10:39 PM - 3 July, 2012

    You forgot the part where everyone continues to shit in the living room, but charges you for it so they can pay your mum the fine. Your mum feels sorry for you, so she gives you money to help pay your friends… And now we’re right back to where we started, but now everyone has the overhead of having to keep track of how much has been paid by who, to who, for what amount of shit in the living room.

  • dan
    dan
    10:42 PM - 3 July, 2012

    @phil: nice.. this was written last year.. before the compensation had been announced…

  • Daniel
    Daniel
    1:17 AM - 4 July, 2012

    Post compensation, it’s like you and your brothers and sisters each invite people over. Whenever your mum charges them for shitting on the floor, they ask whoever invited them to pay it for them. You all invite people over so she feels bad for you all and gives you each some money to pay your friends. You decide you want to keep the money from your mum so you stop inviting the ones who shit on the floor the most.

    For a while your friends don’t mind because your brothers and sisters invite them instead. Eventually, they’ll want to keep their money as well so it gets really hard for people who shit on the floor a lot to get invited. Soon your friends realise the only way they can get invited is if they shit on the floor less.

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